Britney, Britney, Britney. What do you not understand about improving your chances of getting better custody claims of your children? You learn to drive, you stop boozing, stop flashing your chocha, pay any court-ordered fees, and you do all the drug tests you’re supposed. And have a phone number that the court can reach you at.

Do you need someone to spell it out to you? That means missing 8 out of 14 drug tests is plain bad for your chances. (Also, going through a red light, with your kids in the car is superbad. I know, I know. The bloody paparazzi are forever getting in your way.)

So it’s quite a surprise that the judge cut you a break. You been given way too many breaks. You don’t deserve anymore. But given your new Blackout album is #1 in Europe and other countries, you probably don’t care. Is that what you were celebrating when you dropped $200,000 on a Mercedes SL 65 the other night? Bloody hell, woman. You can’t even drive. Keep up this nonsense and you will have a meltdown.