Britney Spears new album, Blackout, is starting to suffer on the charts. After only a month, less than 450,000 copies of the CD have been sold. It’s also dropping on the iTunes list, down to #13. Maybe if she actually promoted the album, instead of picking up male waiters, going to Vegas for liposuction, running over paparazzi and police officers and running red lights?

You’ve no doubt read that explorer Christopher Columbus had intended to find India but discovered America instead (despite it having been discovered long before Chris by Amerigo Vespucci and others). And you might have heard that modern-day explorer Paris Hilton wants to help drunken elephants in India. So did Paris, like, head for India and somehow end up in China for Thanksgiving? Don’t forget to come back for your million dollar payday in Vegas this New Year’s Eve.

Boy George hasn’t been doing anything important lately, so to stay in the news, he’s been getting into trouble. At presented, he’s to stand trial for kinky sex charges. He supposedly handcuffed a Norwegian man to a bed and brandished sex toys at him. They met on the website Gaydar, and the man agreed to pose for pics and get paid nearly $900.

Now what’s really freaky is that Boy George could spend life in prison for this, if he’s convicted, because the charges against him are false imprisonment. Right, murder is much more acceptable these days in society - at least you’d think so when you consider how many murderers (some famous) get a relative slap on the wrist.

Nick Bollea aka Nick Hogan, son of wrestler Hulk Hogan, was declared a dangerous driver and lost his license for one year. I applaud Florida state for this. Let’s hope that California follows this example and suspends the licenses of twits like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, both of whom have had driving “incidents” this year.

Other reports indicate that Terry Gene Bollea (Hulk Hogan) and wife Linda Marie Bollea are headed for divorce court. Maybe Nick was acting out frustration?

Georgette Civil, mother of Blake Fielder-Civil and mother-in-law of Amy Winehouse, appears to be pleased that her son is in jail, after he was arrested when the Winehouse/ Fielder-civil home was raided by police. According to her, it’s the only way to stop the two from “killing themselves.” Fielder-Civil will be spending Christmas in jail.

Let’s be morbid for a moment… Speaking of killing, Peter Pepper, Amy’s former session musician, claims she killed his hamster Georgie Porgie. Maybe the hamster begged for it, so he wouldn’t have to endure the stupid name?

Don’t know about you, but even though Hayden Panettiere turned 18 recently, it’s a bit creepy that she’ll be in the Dec 2007 GQ magazine - in a sassy pink bink no less. Have a look at these pics and you’ll know what I mean - makeup that makes her look in her 30s but body and bikini panties that make her look barely in her late teens.

I mean, most magazine stories are done 3 or more months ahead of time. So wouldn’t these photos have been done when she was still 17 - and not yet being issued arrest warrants for trying to save dolphins in Japan, unintentionally flashing her panties while exiting a vehicle, or being seen in public with NeYo yet claiming to be single? Whew, take a breath. On the other hand, the pics were done by famous star photog Ellen von Unwerth, who has a penchant for taking sexy pics of young actresses.

I guess there’s some sort of advanced raygun in Hollyweird that infects young actresses with a “gone wild” virus once they turn 18. And of course, there’s another raygun that’s impregnated most of femaled Hollyweird. Will Hayden be next? Gawd I hope not; she’s way too young.

If you’re over twenty, you probably remember that old TV ad, where the storekeeper would tell people “Don’t squeeze the Charmin”. Actor Dick Wilson, known as Mr. Whipple in the TV ad, passed away at 91.

Patricia Crane (aka Sigrid Valdis) passed away of lung cancer in mid October at 72. She had wanted no press, so the announcement was delayed. She played “Hilda” on the Hogan’s Heroes TV show and later married Bob Crane, star of the show. Bob Crane was found bludgeoned to death in 1978.

Jonathon Rhys Meyers, who was recently arrested in Ireland for public drunkeness, just lost his mother.

It’s sometimes easy to forget that stars are human too, and as such they get sick. Mary-Kate Olsen, who became famous on with her identical twin sister Ashley, was hospitalized this week for a kidney infection. Also recently hospitalized: Dennis Quaid’s newborn twins. Nancy Grace’s newborn twins have now both been released, after being born premature when Grace suffered a pulmonary edema.

The mother of Angelina Jolie’s adopted daughter Zahara has spoken out, saying she has never disputed the adoption. The young woman, Mentwabe Dawit, admits that the baby was a product of rape and though her mother was understanding, she had trouble feeding Zahara, then named Yemsrach (”good news” in Amharic). She ran away and her mother, who feared her dead after a fruitless search, then put the baby up for adoption.

Mentwabe feels that the baby is fortunate to have been adopted by someone as famous as Jolie.

Jennie Garth (Beverly Hills 90210, What I Like About You), was voted off Dancing With the Stars this week, leaving only Marie Osmond, Melanie Brown (Mel B of the Spice Girls), and racecar driver Helio Castroneves. What do you want to bet Mel B will win, given that older contestants have traditionally been voted off in past seasons, despite their superior talent? That suggests a younger audience (probably).

With the Spice Girls touring again - and thus having active fans - I have a feeling Marie Osmond will not win, despite how terrific she’s been. At least from the clips I’ve seen, as I’ve been unable to watch this season. If you want to catch the final, it’s on at 8 pm EST on ABC, Mon Nov 26th.